The powerhouse singer – who won the first season of American Idol in 2002 when she was only 20 – recently spoke to Attitude about the ‘dark time’ in her early career, saying: “When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself. I was miserable, like inside and out, for four years of my life. But no one cared because aesthetically you make sense.”
"Just to clear something up. I wasn’t ever miserable because I had to be thin. I said I was miserable and as a result I became thin," Clarkson wrote on Twitter. This was a response to a tweet from CNN reporter Lisa Respers, who wrote, "[Kelly Clarkson] says she was miserable trying to stay skinny."
“It was a very dark time for me,” Clarkson added. “I thought the only way out was quitting. I like wrecked my knees and my feet because all I would do is put in headphones and run. I was at the gym all the time.”
The singer famously clashed with Davis over the songs she wanted to feature on 2007's My December. In Variety, she recalled how Davis made her cry after calling her song Because of You ‘shitty’.
"I was told that was a shitty song because it didn't rhyme," she told Variety earlier this month. "A group of men thought it was OK to sit around a young woman and bully her. I was told I should shut up and sing."
Clarkson went on to say that she realized things needed to change around the release of ‘My December’. “There’s a song on ‘My December’ called Sober. There’s this line ‘picked the weeds but kept the flowers’ and I just live my life by that because you are who you surround yourself with,” she said.
She says this because she was around some really negative people. "…and I got out of it because I had a lot of great people there, too. It was a case of turning around, facing them and walking toward the light", she adds.
Though Clarkson was suffering, her weight loss was celebrated, making it difficult to get better. Depression can feel all-encompassing and scary. It's easy to lose yourself in the disease, no longer finding joy in the things you love, or feeling irritable, sad, or anxious. You may gain or lose weight, sleep a lot or have trouble sleeping. It's a complicated mental illness, but there are ways to feel better and find relief. Clarkson found it with the help of her close family and friends. Now happily married and a mother of two, Clarkson seems to have found her groove — and all power to her.
She also detailed her upcoming album Meaning of Life, the follow-up to 2015's Piece by Piece. The 14-track album finds Clarkson reuniting with producers like Greg Kurstin (Stronger), Jason Halbert and Jesse Shatkin, as well as new collaborators like Mick Schultz, The Monarch and Nick Ruth. Clarkson also teams with members of Earth, Wind & Fire on Meaning of Life's "Whole Lotta Woman."
Sources:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/kelly-clarkson-details-new-album-meaning-of-life-w506166
http://attitude.co.uk/kelly-clarkson-weight-skinny-wanted-kill-myself/
http://www.nme.com/news/music/kelly-clarkson-when-i-was-really-skinny-i-wanted-to-kill-myself-2152904
http://www.refinery29.com/2017/10/177990/kelly-clarkson-fame-miserable-depression-sober
https://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2017/10/kelly-clarkson-being-skinny-made-me-suicidal/
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/kelly-clarkson-details-new-album-meaning-of-life-w506166