Critics rating : 1 Stars

Cast :  Shahid Kapoor, Alia Bhatt

Direction : Vikas Bahl 

Produced : Anurag Kashyap, Vikramaditya Motwane, Karan Johar, Madhu Mantena

Written : Anvita Dutt Guptan,Vikas Bahl, Chaitally Parmar

Genre : Romantic Drama.

Duration : 206 Mins

Shaandaar looked hatke in the trailer. It definitely tries to approach the film with an animated, Tim Burton-esque introduction on how Bipin Arora (Pankaj Kapur) brought a little girl, Alia (Alia Bhatt), home with him, no explanation given to his mother Kamla (Sushma Seth), wife Gitu (Niki Walia) and daughter Isha (Sanah Kapoor). His wife and mother are resentful of the sudden addition to the family but Isha welcomes her new sister with open arms.

With that animation, spruced up by Naseeruddin Shah’s narration, we cut to the live action present day where Isha is set to get married and fat-shamed. Mostly fat-shamed. But probably married too. Her wedding planner is the polished and provocative Jagjinder Joginder (Shahid Kapoor), who first meets the girls and their parents when his bike collides with their car (much like a Lootera-ish meet-cute).

They realise much later that he is the planner, which is slightly weird considering the girl’s family hired him. Maybe because the name (shortened as ‘JJ’) does not inspire a statuesque, graceful, fresh-faced lad welcoming the family to a wedding extravaganza. He speaks fluent English, which makes it strange when he does not know the meaning of ‘insomnia’ (an affliction endured by both the cutesy leads) and stumbles over its pronunciation by calling it ‘insomalia’.

Cue the entry of the Arora clan’s in-laws, the Fundwanis, the ‘fund’ being indicative of their intentions from the wedding. Their son Robin (Vikas Verma), proud carrier of 8.5 pack abs and protein shakes, is pushed into the union as a business deal, even though he does not find the overweight Isha the least bit enticing. It may sound like a blingy version of Dum Laga Ke Haisha, but dispel that notion.

It is about JJ and Alia’s love at first sight. It follows their interactions, ranging from sweet to banal to infantile, to sell a brewing romance while Isha comes to terms with the truth of her impending wedding.

Shaandaar tries to be different by inserting animated images but it only serves to remind you of sequences from Michael Dowse’s What If. The dramatic soundtrack they introduce for comic effect irritates instead of tickling the funny bone. Silly scenes include JJ trying to save a clearly swimming Alia from drowning, an animated frog named Ashok popping up for no reason, a kid with lethal archery skills making uncalled for appearances and a truly idiotic dream sequence designed to have Alia strip to a hot pink bikini.

There are strange bits about the baraatis consuming hash brownies and mushrooms with un-funny consequences. Karan Johar is a sort of saving grace in his Mehendi with Karan portion. Unfortunately, everything else in the film lacks any kind of structure, coherence or logic to be entertaining.

If Queen was about a failed wedding day that triggers the to-be bride’s journey to foreign shores, Shaandaar is about a dysfunctional wedding where the turbaned bridegroom is not above getting married shirtless in the mandap. The quirks and whimsical moments do not work here, moving into a farcical comedy which fails miserably. It is evident that Shaandaar’s best sequences are the ones present in the trailer.

Watch anything else but this on the weekend. Shaandaar may have grand visuals but does not score on any other point.