Mammas boys? Traditional/generational conditioning? Lazy? Mardangani? Monojit Lahiri examination controversial question about why Indian men feel belittled doing housework…

This thought was startlingly pointed out to me by my 28-year-old Delhi-based nephew, recently married. He said that when he casually mentioned, at an informal get-together at a colleague’s home, that he often helps his wife with housework (shopping for veggies, helping with the dishes, even babysitting), it was greeted with deafening silence—and some “funny looks.” Having studied and lived abroad during his student life, he found it natural and no big deal, especially when married.

A friend, taking pity on his “angrez and phirang” outlook, gently took him aside to remind him, “Oh darling, this is India, where these traditionally assigned roles ‘belong to mom, wife, sister, and the womenfolk of the parivar,’ so just chill. Haan, kabhi kabaar kuch kar liya, theek hai, lekin don’t overdo it, boss. Strictly their territory! Besides, the new Indian woman is a whiz at multitasking, so tu mast rehna yaar… tension kyun leta hai? Relax!”

A recent Nielsen India survey covering Indian households found that over two-thirds of Indian women felt “pressurized” by their dual existence, while their menfolk did exactly what my nephew’s smug, chauvinistic friend advised him to do—relax! Across Mumbai, Delhi, Chennai, Hyderabad, and Bangalore, the same sorry sentiment echoed. It’s ironic when one considers that India has never been more proactive and aggressive about bridging the gender gap in the corporate world, opening up new areas of challenge and opportunity. Never before have women risen to top positions with big bucks, often racing past their partners and contributing substantially to the ghar ka kharcha and more… yet…

Unpacking the Roots of Domestic Apathy

What is the reason behind this apathy, laziness, indifference—a determined and studied blank when the H-word (housework) comes into play? Why this shock and surprise at being asked or requested to lend a helping hand to the overworked biwi? Behavioral scientists put forth several reasons, the first of which (hardly original!) is conditioning.

Mere Paas Maa Hai continues to resonate so powerfully for the Indian male largely because it conforms to the much-revered gender stereotype, which rates boys over girls, making them “Mamma’s Boys for Life”—consciously or subliminally. Their role in the family structure from day one is clear-cut and most certainly does not include housework!

The waters are further muddied by part of the blame lying with the woman herself! Cross-currents of forces continue to shape and control her domestic equation with the male. She can’t dream of him getting involved with “jhadoo, kapda, bartan—yeh to aurat ke kaam hai! Achha nahi lagta mard yeh sab kare.” The homemaker’s blueprint and space also appear to be usurped and threatened, and that is not acceptable. The occasional foray into her world is okay, but “main to definitely nahi chahungi that my kids say Papa is a better cook than Mama!”

Then, of course, there is the pati’s utter disbelief at being asked to join forces in household chores. Admits a hard-core chauvinist: “I can’t dream of entering the kitchen or negotiating with the sabziwala, dhobi or whatever…never seen my father or chachas ever do it, boss. Strictly ma-biwi-bhabhi female territory. Besides, women themselves ridicule, tease, and mock us if we, even galti se, attempt to help.”

This (shocking?) old-school mindset continues to prevail in 2025. Amit Bharucha, a Mumbai-based house-husband who voluntarily chose to stay home to look after their two kids, aged 6 and 4, and household while his high-flying banker wife was busy at the office, says:

“I continue to be at the receiving end of endless barbs, saucy comments, and wisecracks. On one side, friends and relatives are constantly badgering my parents about how I’ve reversed the roles of husband and wife and created history! Close pals, with nudges and winks, enquire in mock-seriousness if women-on-top is really so hot that I’ve fallen flat! Others wonder how, as a superior male, I can bear to hang around the house doing stuff wives are meant to do, instead of doing my number in the office? Don’t I feel reduced as a male, and inferior? Is this normal or natural? My answer to all these dumb, antiquated, ignorant, and sexually regressive questions is simple and the same: Division of labor in today’s world cannot and should not be gender-based, be it America or India. It is about being grounded, understanding realities and circumstances, consciously choosing a role, and taking it through with passion and purpose, with total tolerance and zero ego clash.”

Indian men’s reluctance to share household chores stems from deep-rooted traditional conditioning, societal expectations, and outdated gender roles. Despite significant strides in gender equality in the workplace, the domestic sphere remains largely untouched by change. A recent Nielsen India survey reveals that two-thirds of Indian women feel pressured by their dual roles at home and work, while men are often advised to "relax." This disparity is fuelled by ingrained stereotypes, a lack of male role models performing housework, and resistance to breaking cultural norms. However, a promising shift is emerging, with 83% of modern Indian women wanting their sons to share domestic responsibilities in the future. To truly embrace equality, Indian society must dismantle patriarchal attitudes and redefine masculinity to include shared roles at home.

The Social Conditioning Behind Indian Men's Resistance to Housework

There is another aspect, in addition to Bharucha’s brilliantly articulate and liberated retort to the fatigued and clichéd posers: the Pati Parmeshwar’s fall from grace due to the lack of age difference. Earlier, analysts point out, there would be a significant age difference between husband and wife—ten years was normal. This created an implicit sense of superiority. Today’s patis are frequently either the same age or, at best, marginally older. To this young couple, friendship is the name of the game.

However, while things are changing, some habits die hard, and the reason is simple. As one of the cavalier chauvinists declared flamboyantly, there is no reference to context regarding role models of men doing housework. No father, uncle, or elder brother ever was required, or asked, to lift a finger in earlier generations.

Then there is the perception of female roles being played out by males, where notions of masculinity and office go together. Finally, until Indian society is willing to wholeheartedly engage and embrace the true worth of the role and importance of the new woman and reach out, in thought, word, and deed, to partner her in the journey of life, the sad state of false mardangi will continue.

However, all is not lost. Another survey carries an illuminating report that states: 83% of this very dynamic and progressive new woman want their sons to help their life partners with chores when they grow up! Boooo to the 17%—and yaaaaay to the agents of change!