Sixteen original, kickass quotes and phrases from award-winning author Kainaz Jussawalla’s new juicy and unfiltered book, from The Daily Eye Newsdesk

“Who Wants to Marry Kai Juicewalla?” is a racy memoir that will take you on an exhilarating ride of emotions. Kainaz Jussawalla, the author of the book, is a columnist, micro influencer and the founder of the ‘Be A Friend’ initiative for seniors. This new memoir takes you through her journey of self-discovery and acceptance highlighting her experiences with teenage body shaming, star crossed relationships with the opposite sex and global misadventures with her fun gal tribe from her airlines.

1. I want a love so powerful, so booooooombastic that the dusky midnight sky turns into one massive rainbow and the heart explodes into an SRK love song, “Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana sanam…”
2. I believe men are from mars but women are definitely from a planet that even God didn’t know existed. (That proves God is a man. Ladies I know, I know, but think!)
3. I have learnt that nice girls do not create history. That my friend is an established fact. Bad girls on the other hand, create both history and mystery.
4. Men are like French fries, one is never gonna be enough.
5. 10 regular people are sacrificed at the altar for one insane Parsi to be born.

6. Thou shall not covet a Neighbour’s house (unless it’s AB’s Jalsa or SRK’s Mannat)
   I know,  I know, good words, good thoughts, good deeds are the crux, and the sine-qua-non, of Zoroastrianism but what did our predecessors know about ‘Kalyug ke dukh?’
7. I am a sex goddess in the middle of an endless parched spell. (Though I would like the world to think that I am a wanton sex goddess with a ‘very bad man between my thighs’ just like Bridget J).
8. Why God why? Am I supposed to die alone with only teddy Pookie shedding make-believe tears for me?
9. Oh Khoda, what if the wacky bird was right? What if I actually get the interview call for the job? But me, a Trolley Molly? 
10. It sounded almost like Monica Lewinsky was being elected as President of the United States.
11. A holiday fling with an enthralling foreigner is a silent prayer answered. If this won’t get that rat in Mumbai out of my system, nothing will.

12. But every self-respecting woman has (and should have) two sides to her, one of a nurturing partner and the other a badass bitch. It all depends on which of her buttons you push. 
13. You can’t hurry love . Even if nothing is written and you are dealt with a blank page (like I was) it is what it is. Then no matter how many fortune cookies you crack open or aromatic incense sticks you burn to attract a suitable handsome as hell lover or how many shrinks you buy to hear your sob story, love has its own fu**ing mind. No Tantra-mantra-yantra can work if the Good Lord has decided it’s not in your best interest or worth your time.
14. Me Bridget Jones? She is epic. I am a simple Parsi girl with more jelly in my belly than fire, trying to hold my life together and flopping most of the time. So badly.
15. I can’t blow this. My heaven-sent rendezvous with SRK is finally here. It is the perfect time to unleash pent-up anger umm lust. Perhaps it was time to call a truce and fulfil a longstanding fantasy. After all, isn’t everything fair in love and war? 
16. Shaadi ka laddoo kha ke kisko pachtana hai? I would rather have motichoor laddoos!