Critics Rating: 1 STARS*

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Junior, Johny Lever, Krushna, Prakash Raj, Sonu Sood, Tamannaah Bhatia

Direction: Sajid-Farhad

Produced:  Kumar S. Taurani, Ramesh Taurani

Genre: Comedy

Duration: 2 hours 20 minutes

Entertainment. It is time for filmmakers to consult the dictionary on what constitutes the noun. Define it yourself and words like amusement, enjoyment and relaxation will come up. None of the above applies to this canine monstrosity.

Akhil Lokhande is a poor man who does odd jobs to support his ‘ailing’ foster father (Darshan Jariwala). ‘Odd’ is the operative word as Akhil takes on gigs like wearing a fat suit (the sagging chest of which an infant actually suckles) for a dubious weight loss TV commercial, dances as an extra for a film shoot and does a crummy job as a cricket umpire. He is dating TV actress Saakshi (Tamannaah Bhatia) whose father (Mithun Chakraborty) wants her to marry a millionaire (“Pehleh crorepati, phir Saakshi ka pati”).

Things take a turn for the better when Akhil discovers that his biological father is Pannalal Johri (Dalip Tahil), Bangkok’s diamond king with no legal heirs to inherit his 3,000 crore empire. Of course, when he gets there, he is told by Pannalal’s lawyer Habibullah (Johny Lever) that the businessman’s dog is the beneficiary of the deceased man’s Will. Prakash Raj and Sonu Sood turn up as brothers Karan-Arjun for an added dose of villainy to stake their claim in the spoils.

What emerges is a dreadful mangle of SMS jokes, slapstick gags with tacky self-referencing, and leaving an end product that manages to be even more insufferable than Humshakals and Kick. There are a few interesting moments in the film like Akhil’s father going into a literal flashback mode to explain who his real father is, a few celebrity guest appearances in the initial scenes and Akhil’s friend Jugnu (Krushna) throwing in filmy references like “I Rajini-can’t believe it!” though it begins to get old.

 

The rest of the film is a series of never-ending scenes with more ham in it than a meat shop. It is a colossal shame that bulging eyes and hideously contorted faces still count as comedy. If you can ignore the serious continuity issues with Akhil’s tattoo that switches shoulders or even sloppily edited shot transitions and unnecessary flashbacks, you cannot overlook the parodies of cult films in the second half.

Anybody can spot rehashed sequences from The Ring and the woefully spoofed iconic scene from Pyaar Kiye Jaa where Mehmood narrates the story of his horror film to Om Prakash. The special effects recreating ice and hordes of dogs are particularly awful. And what is a hound film without the inclusion of ‘Who let the dogs out?’

The dialogue has gems like “Maana main God-gifted nahi hoon, but main dog-gifted zaroor hoon”, “Kya Khiladi niklaa tu” along with several nods to K-serials and their proprietors.

Even Junior – The Wonder Dog – as the opening credits call him, cannot salvage the story with his droopy-eyed sweetness. He is no wonder either. Just a regular dog shot in painful slow motion from all angles.

Sajid-Farhad may not have made a palatable debut in direction, but all eyes are still trained on next week’s Singham Returns. With any luck and a look at the prequel, that should probably be better than this outing. Entertainment certainly does not deliver on its title. Do not throw this one a bone.