A reflective meditation on love, migration, memory, and cultural identity, this deeply personal reading of Past Lives (2023) by Vandana Kumar explores destiny, longing, and the silences that shape relationships across continents and lifetimes.

Past Lives (2023), directed by Celine Song, is a critically acclaimed Korean-American romantic drama that explores love, destiny, immigration, cultural identity, and the Buddhist concept of inyun through quiet moments, emotional memory, and unresolved connections.

A chance viewing of ‘Past Lives’ (2023), a romantic Korean-American film at a theatre, gave me that urge to write about it. Not difficult to understand all the critical and audience acclaim that Celine Song got for her feature directorial debut. It is a movie that leaves us with a lot of what ifs and if only…

The film follows the life of two characters over a period. The film isn’t about any great events and the nuanced romantic drama’s strength lies in the fact that it’s a collection of moments. Moments between the two childhood sweethearts in South Korea. ‘Na Young’ – played by Greta Lee / Seung Ah Moon and Hae Sung played by Teo Yoo / Seung Min Yim in their adult and child versions, respectively. One feels that the word sweetheart is appropriate for them and not mere childhood infatuation.

This is what one feels from the very first frame. Nora’s mother tells her that she must have all life experiences – and lets her daughter date briefly at a very tender age before Nora must move with her family. The family immigrates to Canada. Over the years their lives carry on – Nora with a career move to America, in chase of not just the American dream, but her goal to be a playwright based in New York. She marries Arthur (John Magaro), whom she meets at a writer’s retreat after which they date briefly and get married. They have ticked all the right boxes as a couple – he the author, she the playwright.

Immigration, Names, and the Self  

She gets American citizenship through the marriage in addition, which gets mentioned in a later conversation, casually. Both live in the city that has had its most famous cinematic ode paid to it through Woody Allen’s ‘Manhattan’. ‘Celine Song’, too, pays an ode to it but very differently – more on that later.

The screen shows us a visibly heartbroken Hae Sung. Hae Sung had the feeling that they belonged together, almost immediately. Nora’s understanding of this comes in phases and in her subconscious every time they have conversations after reconnecting in another phase in life. 

Twelve years roll by and Na Young is a visibly Americanized Korean going by the name of Nora – a name easy to roll off the tongues of most Americans. This change for acceptance plays an important part in the film. Does name change really take her away from being Korean?

Hae Sung is by now an engineering student in Seoul. Chance plays a part in so many love stories and here too, they reconnect by chance on Facebook. Subsequently they spend many hours video chatting frequently.

For all of Nora’s adopted American ways, each time she texts or has a video call with Hae Sung – there is an inexplicable pull. She seems to be thinking of the childhood she left behind. She starts feeling Korean for those moments she talks to him. Identities form an important part of this tender love story. She tells him in one such conversation that hardly anyone calls her Na Young anymore. Things like that are telling of how her life is gradually getting Americanized. The strange connection they feel, despite not having been in touch for over a decade, stirs the audience quietly as they get drawn into this story of childhood friends. Focused on why she shifted to America in the first place, Nora feels that Hae Sung is some sort of distraction and decides that they should take a break for a while from this chatting. The camera shows us a visibly wounded Hae Sung who has little choice but to accept this decision that was thrust on him.

The aching romance in ‘Past Lives’ is pinned to a deeply philosophical concept… Nora and Hae Sung frequently discuss the Korean term ‘inyun’.

It is further derived from a Buddhist concept which really is about the fact that no meeting between people is a chance encounter. If two souls meet, then it has to do with their innumerable interactions in ‘Past Lives’. As the film ended, someone in the audience was heard discussing the Indian concept of ‘Past Lives’ and films with the ‘Janam Janam ka rishta’ (the bonding with a lover or spouse through various lives) and reincarnations in films. There are so many Asian philosophies with a variation to this.

What Might Have Been

Na Young and Hae Sung discuss at various points, in their otherwise dialogue-minimal interactions, what the future would have looked like for them if Nora had stayed on in South Korea. Would Nora and Hae Sung have got married? Is it a ‘Past Lives’ pull that they were meant to feel this way for each other and were yet not destined to be together. Would they have still felt that strongly about each other if she had stayed on?

The important elements of identity chaos and insecurities are brought out again and again. The closeness she feels with Hae Sung is one that she might never experience with Arthur. Though Na Young’s ambition made her suggest that Hae Sung and she take a break, her mind was in a way always with him. His open Korean-ness made her long for something that she did not have. He made the Nora in her remember the Na Young that she had tried to bury unsuccessfully. It is this comfort level that she shares with him of a same culture and same language that also becomes a point that makes Arthur insecure. 

In a very moving scene, Arthur is lying in bed with Nora. It is evident that the chemistry between Nora and Hae Sung is getting to him. He says, “You dream in Korean… Sometimes I get scared. You dream in a language I don’t know. There is this space inside of you that I can’t go.”

It is so true what they say about dreams and languages. A place, its culture and its language have possessed you only when you can dream in that language. My French professor at the Alliance Française used to say, “Consider you have a command over a foreign language not by your scorecard or the scholarships to visit that foreign country, but only if you tell me that you can now dream in French.” “Anyone?” he would ask, and the class would fall silent.

New York as Idea and Emotion

To think of films that are set either entirely or largely in New York is to first and foremost think of Woody Allen’s ‘Manhattan’. In ‘Manhattan’, as it is said, there is a fifth character – the city of New York itself! An ode to New York; if there ever was one. Those who have been to that city would relate so much more, those who haven’t would wish they had.

The idea for the film was inspired by the music of George Gershwin. It starts with the skyline of the city and then beautifully composed shots from around New York are shown as Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” accompanies them. Allen’s character, in voice-over, narrates his writing of an introduction to a book about a character that loves the city despite and especially because of its quirks.

In ‘Past Lives’, New York is not shown with its idiosyncrasies and fault lines but with a lot of touristy affection, admiration and softness. The gaze on New York is one that tells you this is a symbol of the Great American dream – people leaving homes from faraway to be there – whether for a job or even as a tourist to see what the fuss is all about. The camera gives us a gorgeous view of the beauty of the city – not the squalor with it. Just a beautiful city with the beautiful river and the Statue of Liberty.

Silence as Intimacy

When Nora and Hae Sung meet after years, they spend a little bit of that time exploring the city together. They meet in silence because of the long gap since their childhood dating.

The silence seems to stem not so much from awkwardness, but strangely, from comfortingly knowing each other. There is this scene in daylight with its own poetry and meter when Nora shows Hae Sung the city of New York in the little time they have. The camera takes us along Brooklyn’s waterfront. The sun shines on the ferry, on the waters, on the skies and the Statue of Liberty. This romance is different from Diane Keaton and Woody Allen (as Mary and Isaac) under the spell of the Queensboro Bridge in ‘Manhattan’ at night.

Marriage, Jealousy, and Cultural Distance  

Nora mentions all the places she explored with Hae Sung in the city in casual conversation with Arthur. Arthur asks rhetorically how come they both, as a couple, have never explored those places. Nora is almost American in her behavior – just almost. Arthur’s response was a typical response of taking one’s own city for granted till a tourist reminds him of its beauty.

Arthur tells Nora that Hae Sung has come all the way to the United States just to meet her. He brushes it off saying that can’t be. Later, when Nora and Hae Sung are together, she confronts him and he admits to coming all the way for her. Hae Sung wanted to see how and where they stood with each other and felt at that moment of time. Nora had left South Korea so suddenly and there was no closure. Hae Sung had somehow always known their ‘thing’ was once in a lifetime – tracking Nora down on social media, his unsuccessful relationship with someone else and finally his landing up to meet her. This contrasts sharply with Nora. She is almost wrapped in denial as she lives out her life and career goals.

‘Past Lives’ scores by the way it makes us feel the connection rather than talk about it. While the love between the two is never expressed, what is verbalized is Arthur’s insecurity and perception regarding the feelings his wife Nora and Hae Sung have for each other.

Arthur knows this is a zone he can never be in. Nora tells Arthur in an amused way that Hae Sung still lives with his parents – it is so much a part of Asian culture that we too can relate to it. A lot of our American friends are amazed to see single children live with parents, irrespective of age. In America it is unthinkable and therefore we see middle-aged sons living with parents or their moms perceived as abnormal and deviant behavior. It isn’t without reason that the cinema of Hitchcock and Chabrol had such characters to show them as dysfunctional and often mother-obsessed. In the East they are seen more as devoted children. The contrast couldn’t be starker.

Acceptance Without Disruption

Arthur’s realization that there is something there that ‘Nora and Hae Sung’ (the childhood sweethearts) have, that he can never have with ‘Nora’ (his wife), is also what we are left with in this love story. Status quos are not disrupted, and the protagonists process their feelings in silences – of ‘Past Lives’ and destinies and reconcile themselves to live with them.

There are no bad guys or villains in this triangle. The husband, Arthur’s character, shows his restraint. He is far too mature and progressive. Both husband and wife move in circles of writers and other artists of New York. The director shows us Arthur’s jealousy without him openly stating it in so many words. The greatest of artists, both men and women, have been through these emotions and realized that this is something that often torments all humans – no matter how liberal and open-minded one is. Time and again it is reflected in Arthur’s talking of the cultural similarity in the lives of Nora and her childhood friend Hae Sung. Arthur says, “The guy flew 13 hours to be here. I’m not going to tell you that you can’t see him or something”.

I have developed many deep friendships over the years but the one I hold most dear is with a friend in London who shifted out of Kolkata because of her father’s new job. I was a fourth-grader and she my neighbor in the society flats. We speak once a year, but we always know what is in each other’s heart and strangely what we are – more than people I speak to, day in and day out. Not a romantic association but can totally relate to this leaving behind something and moving on and yet being stuck somewhere. There is that Kolkata childhood bond forever.

Endings That Linger

As the movie ends, relationships are on the surface a status quo. Nora and Arthur go back into the apartment. Nora is sobbing after the ultimate confrontation with her own feelings. Arthur, who has known all along, is the supportive husband.

Think of the greatest love stories on celluloid. Take films like ‘Roman Holiday’ and ‘Casablanca’ that figure in most lists of top ten love stories. They don’t have the lovers uniting in the happily ever after scenario and walking into the sunset. Some love stories where all obstacles are overcome for lovers to unite might be great – but those where lovers do not unite are something else. The ache is special, the endings bitter-sweetly poignant.

‘Past Lives’ isn’t even a love story about obstacles – it simply is about realizations that are often late. The realizations often come when we are at important crossroads. It is about how a culture wraps it around destiny and as the title puts it, quite simply – about ‘Past Lives’.