Discover how Nancy Katyal’s Commit to Yourself offers practical strategies for personal growth, breaking free from toxic patterns, and building courage to achieve success in both personal and professional life. Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri speaks to the author…

Nancy Katyal, an internationally certified executive presence coach, shares transformative insights in her bestselling book Commit to Yourself: Break Free. In this candid interview with Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri, she discusses the power of mindset, breaking free from toxic relationships, building courage, and embracing authentic self-expression for personal and professional success. With practical tips on shifting mental models and cultivating healthier habits, this conversation offers a roadmap to living a fulfilling, purpose-driven life.

It’s rare for an editor to remember the exact moment when he decides to take on a book for publication, particularly when it’s a first-time author. I remember just a couple of these with clarity – Balaji Vittal meeting me at the HarperCollins office with the book on R.D. Burman, and Sourav Jha and Devapriya Roy meeting me with the idea for the Heat and Dust project.

It is equally rare for a first-time author to become a bestseller in the busy personal growth book space. And even rarer for the author to get published in Hindi and make a dent in that space too with the first book.

Nancy Katyal and Commit to Yourself: Break Free is one such author and book. I was recovering from a bout of long COVID when the mail with the proposal dropped in. At the time, it was titled ‘I Before You’ – and it is the title that caught my attention. The fact that here was a book advocating ‘selfishness’, in the sense of the importance of placing the ‘I’ before the ‘You’. A little later we were on a call, discussing the book. One of my early books as editor-in-chief at Om Books International – and one that was not in ‘my space’, films – made it an important test case for me. To my surprise, Nancy also agreed to the publication on the terms proposed, giving me one of my early successes at Om Books. 

It was published in late 2022, when the book market was still in recovery mode from the effects of the pandemic. Despite that, it proved a runaway success with successive reprints over the last couple of years. And to buttress the fact of its success came the Hindi edition of the book earlier this month. Like its original, the translation too has caught on. 

In a free-flowing conversation, Nancy Katyal, a leading voice in corporate circles as an internationally certified executive presence coach and leadership development consultant, a visiting professor at IIMs and MIT, with Fortune 500 Companies as clients, spoke to Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri on her book and bringing forth an attitudinal change for well-being.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Can you tell us more about the inspiration behind writing Commit to Yourself? What motivated you to delve into the topic of embracing change and self-commitment?

Nancy Katyal: We all desire to change and move out of our comfort zones. We all have areas in our life that are not serving us for our highest good, but we struggle to start and take any action in those areas because we don't know the way out.

Many of us fail to realize that sometimes we are our biggest hurdle and distraction in realizing our full potential. We all have those moments where we are tired of the patterns that are not serving us, and an inner voice tells us – enough is enough, and the pain of being stuck is a recurring pattern.
There were several moments where I felt that every time I passed by the mirror, it was screaming back at me and saying, ‘Nancy, stop lying to yourself and take charge and create that much-needed shift in your life.’ And the first moment happened when my daughter was born. I knew that my daughter would learn more by observing me than by what I say. So my daughter was the driving force and inspiration.

We all have that magical driving force within that can create the much-needed shifts in our lives. To close the gap between what is happening now and creating the quality of life we desire.

We cannot control what happens in the external environment, but we can definitely take charge of what happens in our internal environment, and that requires us to be willing to make different choices. I wanted more from life, and when I began the journey and after a while started seeing amazing results and shifts in my life, I decided to share the frameworks and tools with the world too, and that's where the seed of writing this book came in.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: In your book, you mention the importance of changing one’s mindset, attitude, and actions to achieve personal and professional growth. Could you share some practical strategies or tips for readers to initiate and sustain such changes in their lives?

Nancy Katyal: Whether we believe we can do something or we believe we can’t do something is a result of our mindset. Every decision any human being makes is made at least twice. A decision is first made in your mind before it is ever made in reality. Your mindset is a result of your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that ultimately influence your actions.

All of us have built a repository of beliefs, ideas, unconscious biases, and mental models about how the world functions, and we make our everyday decisions based on that. We don’t even realize that the accumulation of years and years of conditioning in our mind has led us to think, believe, and act in a particular way, and we begin to see the world on autopilot mode every day through that lens of conditioning.

Our perceptions are such a core aspect of how we experience ourselves and others. Changing our mindset by holding more empowering thoughts and mental models can indeed help us to create the much-needed personal and professional growth.

The words you attach to your experience become your experience too. The first step really is to raise our awareness of the mental models we hold in different domains of life like health, work, money, relationships, etc. Once you are aware of your mental models, you will begin to take powerful decisions that are not based on unconscious biases like confirmation bias or sunk cost fallacy.

For example, if I carry the thought that I am not a creative person, I will never take any action in that direction because labels are limiting. We need to reflect on what are the alternative and more empowering ways of thinking about the same labels/beliefs. This will help us to expand our thinking and build a reservoir of empowering mental models.

The good news is that our mental models are not fixed, and we can rebuild our mental muscle and improve our life. Just like smartphone apps frequently ask us to upgrade our phones to the latest updates for enhanced experience. Similarly, ask yourself, ‘When was the last time I upgraded myself to create a more empowered version of myself?’

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: You discuss the concept of breaking free from toxic relationships and self-destructive thinking. How can individuals identify and navigate such negative patterns in their lives, and what steps can they take to cultivate healthier habits and relationships?

Nancy Katyal: To have nurturing relationships in life is a basic human need. Everyone has their own ideas of what a great relationship looks like. What may seem crazy to someone in a relationship might make complete sense to someone else. In my understanding and experience, I have seen that authentic relationships essentially have the following key elements: LCRTO – Love, Compassion, Respect, Trust, and Open communication.

If your relationship has these elements, it will be a liberating and empowering bond. If you cannot communicate openly, are constantly judged for being yourself, or your choices are not respected, we need to take a pause and ask if this is the kind of relationship we need to nurture in our lives. Also, checking how we might have contributed to where our relationships stand today and taking ownership and accountability of our part too.

Only after this audit and deep unpeeling of layers can we identify the patterns that help us or support us or are not serving us, and this self-reflection helps us to get an understanding of what we want from our life and the shift that needs to happen.

You will hopefully discover the surprising truth that the more you are able to respect and care for your own needs, the more you will be able to have true space within you to hold others’ needs with care and respect too.

There are several strategies one can use to identify patterns that are not life-serving. We can begin by asking two questions: Am I showing up as my authentic self in all my relationships? Are my relationships harming me or supporting me?

The answer to these questions leads to raised awareness and choices. I am reminded of the lines from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower, where Charlie asks his English teacher Bill Anderson, ‘Mr. Anderson, why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?’

Mr. Anderson replies, ‘Well, we accept the love we think we deserve.’
The book has several frameworks that help you to nurture more meaningful relationships in life.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Building courage seems to be a recurring theme in your book. Can you elaborate on why courage is essential for personal development, and how can individuals strengthen their courage muscle in the face of challenges and uncertainties?

Nancy Katyal: I am sure we all have experienced situations where we felt frustrated and underconfident when we wanted to speak our heart out or just wanted to seek help but somehow were unable to gather the courage to speak our truth. The internal mind chatter sets in that tells us we will not be able to do it, or we will fail, or we are scared of rejection. And we all know the cost we end up paying in the long term when we don’t take any action on handling our fears.
We all carry a fear story, and then some of us succumb to numbing mechanisms to take care of the fear as a quick-fix strategy. These quick fixes harm us as we are delaying actions that are good for our well-being. Everything we desire is on the other side of fear. Courage is the driving force that propels us forward to take action in the direction of our life goals. All of us are capable of achieving great things.

One strategy to begin with is to challenge your self-limiting beliefs and ask yourself what could be a more empowering thought? Second, start by taking small actions towards your goal. For example, if I am scared of speaking in public, I can build my muscle of courage by starting to speak where the stakes are low and in safe settings. Taking small risks is part of building your muscle of courage. Third and most important, please don’t compare your life with people’s life on Instagram, as not many people are posting about their failures. Failure is like a raw stone in a jeweller’s hand; it may seem ordinary at first, but with each cut, pressure, and polish, it transforms into a brilliant gem.
Every time you take a step towards trying out something new, you build your muscle of courage to handle the unknown. Fear is unavoidable, but we can tame it by developing a friendly relationship with it, going closer towards it one day at a time.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: The idea of living by one’s core values is emphasized in your book. How can individuals identify their core values, and how can aligning their actions with these values contribute to a more fulfilling life?

Nancy Katyal: Our values are our North Star. They are the principles or standards we set for our own behaviour; they guide our actions. When you are in the middle of making a critical decision, it is your values that guide you in deciding what to say yes to and what to say no to. Values are your inner GPS that guides you during uncharted territories of life. Our core values are non-negotiable. They are not just mere words; when you incorporate the core values you stand for in your behaviour and live by them on a consistent basis, they determine your destiny.

When we know what is important to us, it is easy for us to focus and invest our time, energy, and money on doing things that matter the most to us. The better you know yourself through your values, the better position you will be in to lead a life with purpose and fulfilment.

Life can be challenging, and we will face failures, setbacks; life happens, and things don’t go the way we desire. In these situations, you need something that can act as your anchor and provide you a sense of direction and support to come out of stormy situations when you feel stuck.

Knowing your values gives you a greater level of clarity and enables you to set your boundaries for things that are unacceptable to you. For instance, one of my core values is personal growth, and this value guides me in how I spend my day, the kind of conversations, and the type of work assignments I take up. A great starting point is to ask oneself if there is a gap between my words and my actions and in which areas of my life there is consistent alignment in my words and actions. This might direct you to understand what is important for you.

I have shared an empowering tool in depth called the Value Roadmap exercise, which has a step-by-step process to guide you in unravelling your core values.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Your book includes self-reflective exercises aimed at self-acceptance and self-improvement. Could you share some examples of these exercises and explain how they can help readers on their journey of self-discovery and growth?

Nancy Katyal: The self-reflective exercises give the readers a warm nudge to explore their patterns through self-introspection. I believe it’s check-in before you check-out. Only when we have explored the deeper layers within us can we create deeper connections outside of us.

Some of us are too attached to our patterns or strategies that we are following on a day-to-day basis as we love what is familiar. It’s only through self-reflection exercises that we create a space for pause and to realign with strategies that are alternative choices for self-discovery and unlocking our greatness.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Overcoming regrets and handling failures are discussed in your book. How can individuals reframe their perspectives on past setbacks and use them as learning opportunities for personal advancement?

Nancy Katyal: Our past is a point of reference and not a point of residence. I believe each experience in our lives comes to raise our awareness and helps us return to our true selves.

Do not attach your identity to the outcome of a particular situation. A project or relationship failure does not make you a good or bad person. You are worthy and wholesome irrespective of the outcome. Once you build this mindset, you will be more equipped to handle the uncertainties that life throws at us.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: You mention the importance of finding one’s authentic self. What advice would you give to individuals who are struggling to define or express their authentic selves in today’s fast-paced and often demanding world?

Nancy Katyal: Authenticity is about aligning our actions and intentions and showing up with honesty and care. It’s about embracing who we are, celebrating our uniqueness, and living in alignment with our values.
Just being themselves is the biggest fear people have because they have lived most parts of their lives trying to please others. Fear of rejection is the root cause of why many people do not want to be themselves or are afraid to share their ideas with others. And the only way to conquer this is to face our fear.

When you are true to yourself, it allows you to connect with yourself in a more meaningful way. The path to being your authentic self is being comfortable with making mistakes, taking a few missteps, as they are part of the journey of progress.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Can you share any anecdotes or success stories from your experience mentoring individuals from various backgrounds? How have these experiences informed your approach to personal development and self-commitment?

Nancy Katyal: There are several case studies of my clients. One that I vividly remember was during a leadership development program. A manager came up to me and said, ‘I am not happy in my job.’ He wanted to nurture meaningful relationships in his life and take charge of his emotional and physical well-being. He implemented the 5A model – Awareness, Acceptance, Anchor, Action, and Accountability – that I have mentioned in detail in the book for creating an inner shift. After four months of consistent practice, he was promoted in his job and took charge of his well-being too.

These examples are a testimony to the fact that any individual who is willing to create a shift in his/her life can do so only if they change their existing patterns and reframe them with more empowering thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Also, seeking support is a sign of strength; sometimes we struggle with being self-accountable. A great coach or mentor can support you in creating the life you desire through powerful tools and strategies.

Shantanu Ray Chaudhuri: Lastly, what do you hope readers will take away from Commit to Yourself, and how do you envision your book making a positive impact on their lives?

Nancy Katyal: The book offers practical tools and strategies that can support readers in building deeper self-connection with themselves, offering inner freedom and building the muscle of courage to navigate the challenges of life with grace and authenticity. This book is a warm invitation to encourage readers to take charge of their life in their own hands on all levels and truly lead a life true to their core values and purpose.

I am touched by the overwhelming response my book has received so far and how it continues to stay relevant after two years of its launch, not only in India but across the world. That is because each individual has an innate desire to break free and to commit to themselves for unleashing their greatness.